


west coast smoker

by orphan_account



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, Character Study, M/M, Pete Wentz Is Sad, Pete Wentz's Suicide Attempt (Best Buy Incident), Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-04
Updated: 2016-10-04
Packaged: 2018-08-19 14:49:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8212885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Don't feel bad for the suicidal cats; gotta kill themselves nine times before they get it right.





	

Pete was sick. You could ask him if he was alright, he'd say he was. But he wasn't. He wasn't at all. He had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder when he was just a teen, and since he turned eighteen he had started taking his meds.

It took him a few years to realize they didn't really help him, per se. They made him... different, you'd say. He felt numb, empty whenever he took them. That was why he often didn't take them, to feel something, even if that something was a manic episode or a depressive one.

In his depressive episodes he didn't do much. He only wrote and wrote, until the words hurted. He only talked to Patrick, almost treated him like his personal therapy. He didn't force him to take his medication like his therapist did, anyway.

He was in a depressive episode when he started writing West Coast Smoker.

_Follow the messed up religion of my head. Don't feel bad for the suicidal cats; gotta kill themselves nine times before they get it right. The drugs just make me reset._

He had attempted suicide many times. Twice when he was a mere teenager, living off drugs and the image of having tattoos when he became older. If he survived, he always added after that thought. He always thought he wouldn't get past twenty.

And now he was there, twenty-seven years old and full of regret, full of love, full of explosive emotions he couldn't quite define.

He never thought he'd find a friend. He was lonely in his teen years, no friends, no anything. When he started being in Arma Angelus, he found Joe, he was his first real friend. And... when he found Patrick, introduced to him by Joe.

He'd say he had fallen in love with the shorter, younger boy. He had fallen in love with his laugh (which made him feel alive again), his hair (that he couldn't get his hands off once Patrick took his hat off), his lips (that were so perfect and soft, so good to kiss).

That fateful night of 2005, it was the first time someone besides his parents were waiting for him in the hospital. He heard Patrick's cries, how he hoped to God he wasn't dead. How when they let him in he had kissed him and made him swear he would never do it again.

Since then, he hadn't overdosed or tried again. He loved Patrick, and he wanted to live with him everything life would offer them. He had hurted himself, sure, but he had never tried to end his life again.

Patrick's hurt eyes, Patrick's grasp on his hand was enough to know he didn't want Patrick to go through a suicide attempt of his again.


End file.
